I'm in a royal goldfish bowl and will be all my days
restricted in the things I do like Great Great Grandma's stays
I long to sit and soak my feet and say a naughty word
but I must always be discreet in case I'm overheard
Duty, duty and the stiff upper lip
Snooty, snooty and I mustn't make a slip
For I've to be so soignée, knowledgeable and serene
as I was born a Lady, but I wish I weren't a Queen.
Surrounded by my sycophants and flunkies so polite
at times I feel I'm strangled by the ceremonial rites
Each day the red state boxes and an arduous schedule
I launch a ship, unveil a plaque or open a new school.
Speeches, speeches and I get very bored
Leeches, leeches - oh the food I get abroad!
I've indigestion tablets which I carry in my bag
but I have to take them secretly, that is the only snag.
From practice I can soon detect the genuine I meet -
Eastenders, for example, who're so matey in the street
The pompous and pretentious I immediately can spot
The nervous, too, whose hands I shake are clammy and so hot
Serving, serving, like Mama and Papa
It's unnerving, but I've tried and I've come far.
My heaven will be slippers and letting my hair down,
Eternal rest before me, and no B***** British Crown
